Fair of Affairs
by dinocavallones
Summary: It's when Bluebell tells you that she wants you to paint a giant cock on her wrist that you know something is wrong. BluebellxFranxMukuro. I regret everything but: For Crack!fic contest.


**Summary:** It's when Bluebell tells you that she wants you to paint a giant cock on her wrist that you know something is wrong. Bluebell x Fran x Mukuro

**Rating:** T for language and ... slight vulgarity?

**Prompt:** Painting. In this case, tis be face painting. ;D Or body painting. Whatever ~

**Author's Note:** This is for the second round of Question's Questionable Crack Pairings. I`m so sorry for any **OOC. **I try my best not to do that. ; o; If you think Bluebell is OOC near the end, well, you`ll understand why ... hopefully? Lest my readers get confused, which happens often. Also, excuse my typos. I`m rushing. School starts now, nn. Enjoy my shi~it.

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**Fair of Affairs**

Fran knew it. It was going to be a hard day. He should've seen it coming from the moment Prince Bel tricked him into thinking that there had been a mission at the exact area where the fair was being held. He had been tricked, and now he had to spend the entire day painting kids' faces. Pale green eyes had been glazed over in disappointment when he found out that this had been the plan all along. Trust the blond genius to figure something like this to humiliate him. How Bel had managed to do this, Fran had no idea, and he would rather not find out how either.

There were only two things about this that were good. One was that he didn't have to wear that stupid frog hat that he was always forced to wear around the headquarter. The second thing was that he was going to be able to get money after all this hard work.

Which Bel would probably end up stealing from him in the end, so really, he didn't see the point.

For the tenth time in the morning, he picked up the paintbrush and asked in his monotone voice, "What would you like me to paint on your face?" There were a few things that he realized after taking this job. He was a pretty good artist.

He wondered if Xanxus knew about what he was doing. He was sure that the Varia boss would never let him go through with this. It was very, _very _embarrassing. He couldn't leave either, because Bel threatened that he would stab him in a place that would _hurt _the moment he stepped through the door before his time was up, and Fran believed him.

The kid sitting across from him smiled brightly, and he spoke with a lisp. "I want Thspiderman on my fathse!"

"Spiderman?" Fran stared at the boy. "Who is that?"

Incredulity filled the boy's big blue eyes, and a small frown appeared on his face. "Nevermiiiind. Juthst paint a thspider on my fathse."

Why the boy would want a spider on his face, Fran would never know, and again, he didn't bother to ask. He dabbed the paintbrush into the can of glossy black paint before raising it to the boy's face. At the end of eight minutes, the little boy happily hopped to his feet with an eight-legged spider expertly tattooed on his face. Fran stared blankly as the kid's parents led him away by the hand. Just when he thought he'd be able to take a break, he turned to see his next customer.

Green eyes blinked curiously at the girl who had seated herself on the stool. Familiar, bright cyan hair flowed down past the girl's slender legs, and though her height matched those of twelve-year-olds, Fran knew that there was much more to her than anyone would've thought.

"The last time I saw you, you were wearing that hideous frog hat, nyu~. Finally decided to get rid of that garbage?"

Fran's expression didn't change. It was still devoid of all feelings. "I thought we got rid of you."

"Obviously, you did a very poor job~." The blue-haired girl fixed the ebony dress she had hugging her child-like frame before crossing her legs daintily. She kept a mocking smirk directed in Fran's direction. "I didn't think I would run into you here." If she was contemptuous, she was very good at hiding it under the sugary tone of her playful voice.

"Bel-senpai forced me," Fran answered dully. His pale hand reached into his pocket where his box weapon was kept. Why else would this girl – Fran had forgotten her name – be here, if not to fight? The latter noticed the Mist Guardian's actions, and this time, she couldn't keep the scorn out of her giggle.

"Relax, nyu~. I'm not here to cause trouble. Can't a girl have fun around here?"

Somehow, Fran had a strong suspicion that wasn't the only reason why she was here. He could already see the gears shifting in that girl's head, creating devious plots for his demise.

"What was your name again?" asked Fran, slipping his empty hand out of his pocket. He made no notion to pick up the paintbrush.

Brushing her hair over her shoulder, the girl crossed her arms huffily before saying, "Bluebell. Now, are you going to paint or not?"

It was a bad idea. A _very_ bad idea, yet something compelled the short, pain-tolerating Mist Guardian of Varia to reach over and take hold of the paintbrush.

"I want this on my right cheek." Bluebell tapped her cheek with her index finger as she whipped out a picture of an aqua heart with delicate, complicated silver and black swirls which bordered it. Fran gaped at it for a few seconds. It wouldn't be hard to paint it, it would just take _long._

There was no way he could avoid this. He was forbidden to use illusions or box weapons after Xanxus found out a certain troublemaking prince had deliberately used his box weapon to set fire to the men's room just to see how many would run out screaming like school girls. When his box weapon got confiscated, Bel made Fran use his illusions to fill Xanxus's ring box with gummy worms, all the way to the brim. If that wasn't enough, Bel forced his froggie subordinate to create an illusion where the Ninth would come and tell Xanxus that he was wrong and that he was the true ruler of Vongola. The last one was enough to blow Xanxus up once the Varia leader realized it was all a joke, and needless to say, Bel was severely punished. Fran was forbidden to use his illusions for any reasons _not _for a fight.

Unfortunately, Bluebell was not looking for a fight. Fran had no choice but to start painting.

"Oh, by the way," Bluebell asserted, "if you mess up, I want you to start over. If you don't, I _will _pretend to cry and everyone will think you harassed me. Won't that be awfully embarrassing, nyu~?"

Fran told himself that if he could tolerate fifty knives in his back per day, he could handle this.

It wasn't until after an hour that he got it right. His shoulders sagged, his arm ached, and he was exhausted. He sighed as Bluebell happily admired the art on her face. The Mist Guardian wished nothing more than for her to leave. Apparently, it was going to take a lot more than that to get rid of her.

Two hours passed, and it wasn't even just her face that he was painting. She had run out of room, so she forced him to paint her arms. No one stepped in to save him from this torture, so he really _did _have no choice but to do as he was told. He dropped the paintbrush into the can, rubbing his eyes as a yawn escaped his lips.

"I want this next~!" He must have heard that phrase five times this day from her. Fran stole one quick glimpse at the next picture and inwardly sighed miserably.

"A mermaid with wings?" Fran mumbled, his voice dripping with doubt.

"Yes, and on my arm. Over here~"

Fran's moment of hesitation was all Bluebell needed to make a fake, benign smile to fall over her childish face. Caressing Fran's cheek with her small, delicate hand, she didn't bother masking the mockery in her voice. "Now, now, you wouldn't want me upset, would you?" Fake waterworks brimmed Bluebell's captivating sapphire orbs.

Tears also started to build up in Fran's eyes, but for a completely different reason. The heel of Bluebell's black platform boots had conveniently stomped on his toes, crushing the bones. He couldn't remember her wearing those before. Tolerant with pain as he was, Fran only winced faintly; it was barely noticeable to the people passing by, except one. The stranger's face was hidden in the shadows, but Fran could make out the upturned smirk that adorned the shadowed face.

How nice. He was laughing at Fran's misery. He only knew two people who would actually enjoy watching him like this. Fran's attention was brought back to Bluebell when his green hair was gripped harshly.

"Look, the faster you finish, the faster you can leave, and I can finally get these bitches to stop staring at me – what are you looking at?" she demanded shrilly as a lady passed by. Said lady jumped, startled, before scurrying away as if Bluebell had bit her.

"You could always leave." Fran hoped it didn't sound like he was begging.

"And leave without torturing you some more. Nuh uh ~ Not a chance!" The girl sat up straighter in her chair. Fran had to resist every urge to knock her over the chair. "Now hurry up~! I've got places to go."

Casting an imploring glance at the stranger in the shadows, Fran commenced with his painting. Who was that person, anyway? The green-haired guardian was starting to get a headache from staring at so many colours, and after two more hours and getting playfully slapped across the head for messing up, he was done. The thing he hated most was that they were only halfway through the day, which meant he was still there for another six hours. Every time he was finished with one, he would hear another request. Ignoring the paint splatters on his arms, he rolled up his sleeves before narrowing his dull gaze at Bluebell. "Done."

"Yay~!" Straightening up in her stool, she made grabby hands for the mirror, demanding it. Fran wordlessly handed it to her, and she held it outstretched to her side, where she took a good, long look at the mermaid, which, really, resembled her. Fran was pretty sure that was what she wanted.

"All this just for one day? It's not like it's permanent," Fran muttered bluntly. He felt like his arms were about to drop off.

"So? I don't care. Do you like them?" Bluebell beamed, showing off the art on her body parts. She was asking as if Fran had not just spent around five hours decorating her face and her arms. He was just glad that she didn't ask for her legs.

Fran stole one quick glimpse over them before saying monotonously, "They are the most attractive things I have ever seen."

"You're flattering yourself, stupid!" Another smack to his forehead. "But you're right. After all, Bluebell doesn't just ask _anyone _to paint her. You're lucky you're a good artist. Who would've known?" Fran seconded that wordlessly. As she turned sideways to see more of her mermaid, she made a little pouty face and asked, "I never got your name, you know~."

"You don't need to know it," Fran started off before the toes on his other foot got crushed as well. A small noise of protest escaped his lips before he could stop himself. He doubled over in pain, resisting the incredibly strong urge to hold his throbbing foot. After gritting his teeth, and even though his foot was _still _stinging from the ache, he managed to say, "Fran."

"Fran, we could be best friends~!"

"I don't think that would turn out very well … for me, I mean." Fran leaned back in his chair as Bluebell jumped to the ground and placed a hand on her hip. She bent over him.

"Don't be ridiculous~! You want this."

Fran couldn't blink the confusion out of his eyes when he saw her hand reaching up to stroke his cheek. A playful smirk pulled at her lips, and for a second, Fran got distracted by the shadows again. The stranger was no longer smiling; in fact, the eccentric, green-haired Mist Guardian was pretty sure that the other was frowning. Then, he slinked away. Fran blinked, returning his apathetic gaze to Bluebell, who seemed a bit miffed at the man's lack of attention.

"Well, I've had my fun with you. Here's your payment." Bluebell dropped a few ten dollar bills on the table. Fran gave them an uninterested look. It wasn't even worth it anymore. He wished he hadn't agreed to this in the first place. If he knew that the girl was just out to torture him, then he would have scrapped the thought of being nice. However, it was too late for that, so he took the money with a silent nod.

"Goodbye, then."

Bluebell smirked, and before Fran knew it, she had closed the space between them and kissed him lightly on the cheek. She started skipping off, all the while taunting back, "Now _you'll _have something to remember _me _by~!" She motioned to her arms. "I'll keep these until tomorrow. Bye-bye, Fran, nyu~!"

Fran was never so happy to take a break, even if it only lasted for fifteen minutes.

And then she was back. Fran put his hands in front of him and tried to wave Bluebell away. "Shoo. I don't want you here anymore. Haven't you had your fun? Don't come here anymore."

Somehow, there was something different about Bluebell. The corner of her lips seemed to twitch upwards into a sardonic smirk, and her hands folded gracefully on her lap as she perched herself on the stool once more. "Don't be silly. This is going to be your reward."

"Forcing me to paint until my arm falls off does not make this a reward," Fran replied, staying where he was, which was a good few meters from the girl in case Bluebell decided to break into a run for him. She did no such thing. Fran hesitantly stepped forwards, wary, especially since the last thing she did was kiss him on the cheek. He was never one for physical contact, after all.

There was a moment's hesitation, a fraction of time where it paused, as if the other was thinking of what to do, and then Bluebell stuck her tongue out. "I'll pay you everything I have in my wallet." She showed it to him. For such a small girl, her wallet was huge, and it was packed – no, literally bulging – with paper bills. Fran's eyes widened slightly at the sight, and he found himself nodding. Perhaps he could pay Bel to leave him alone for the rest of the month.

"One hour." Fran sat down, grabbing the paintbrush. Another pause from Bluebell, and then she nodded her head up and down quickly. "Bel-senpai wouldn't even make me go through with this torture if he was here."

"I'm just one of a kind, am I not?" Bluebell giggled, and again, there was something off about it. Fran just couldn't place his finger on it. Shrugging it off, he raised the paintbrush along with his eyebrow.

"What do you want me to paint?"

Bluebell exposed the underside of her forearm, which was still naked pale. Fran was just reminded just how many other parts of her body he had not touched. Bluebell opened her mouth to answer, and it surprised the Mist Guardian so much, he literally almost toppled out of his chair.

"A giant cock."

Fran balanced himself on his stool once more, scratching his cheek idly with the back end of the paintbrush and staring at Bluebell as if wondering if he had heard wrong. She was gazing at him intently, and the unwavering stare was all Fran needed to see to know that the girl was being serious.

Well, this was surprisingly … different from her last choices. There was definitely something weird going on here, and those pale green orbs narrowed as he tried to figure out what the other's plan was. After a moment, he shrugged apathetically, and drew what she had ordered as told. As long as the children scampering around the fair didn't see what he was painting, he was sure that he would be okay and not reproached by disgusted parents. Fran couldn't help but notice that Bluebell's eyes had not left him since he had started painting. This also contrasted from before, since all the girl would do was gawk at what he was painting.

Fran was now slightly unnerved.

And he was even more taken aback when he heard her next request. Bluebell pointed to her eyes, and drew circles in the air. "If you would be so kind as to paint raccoon eyes on me." Her vocabulary was also getting stranger, but Fran tried to heed it no attention. Right now, he was pretty sure there was something _wrong. _Bluebell was literally defacing her own body, and just fifteen minutes ago, she was so eager to beautify herself. The Mist Guardian of Varia knew better than to question, though. He learned that lesson shortly after joining the Varia, so he held his tongue and kept painting.

That was until Bluebell started lifting her dress for the next one.

Fran leaned back on his seat, turning his head to the side as emotionlessly as he could. "It is not necessary, or wise, to be naked," he muttered, "especially in the middle of a public area."

Bluebell pouted. "But this one must be on my belly!" She didn't even seem to care that she was flashing her underwear for all to see. Most parents behind her rushed their children off, covering their eyes so their innocence would not be tainted by this foul-mouthed girl. "You must paint Byakuran in a pink dress here~." She pointed to the middle of her stomach, wiggling her hips a little.

Fran had no idea what compelled him to follow her instructions. Perhaps it was because he wanted to humour her, or maybe it was because these paintings were so halfhearted that they were starting to look like shit and apparently, neither of them cared. _Or, _and Fran was pretty sure this was the reason; it was because he heard Bluebell giggle at that exact moment, and through the giggle, he heard an all-too-familiar, rumbling chuckle. He suddenly realized what was going on, but he decided to play along with it. "Ahn, Byakuran in a pink dress?" Fran repeated doubtfully.

"Hula-dancing," Bluebell added, "if you please."

It ended up looking like a white goat wearing a Hawaiian skirt and a pink tutu. Bluebell clapped her hands together and exclaimed that it was "simply beautiful", and Fran couldn't help but let a small, cutesy smile spread on his face. He didn't even seem to mind that Bluebell was still yanking her dress all the way up to her chest. She turned around, and glanced over her shoulder. "This is the last one~."

Fran waited.

"I want to have "Varia owns me" written on my back." She spun back around to face Fran, and held out a thick, permanent black marker. "With this."

"You do have good taste." Fran planted his thumb into the air before accepting the marker. In his best handwriting, he scrawled "**VARIA OWNS ME**" in calligraphy. Xanxus would be proud of him. _Or something like that, _Fran corrected himself as he capped the marker and handed it back to the girl.

A wide smile took over Bluebell's childish face once he handed her the mirror. "Now _that's _Varia quality~." When Fran didn't say anything, Bluebell dropped her dress back down to her feet, and with an irritated little scowl, she adjusted the tight area around her barely visible breasts. "This dress is awfully uncomfortable, won't you agree?"

"I wouldn't know," Fran answered dully. "I don't have time possessing little girls just so someone can deface their body, but I appreciate the revenge … _Master._"

Bluebell's eyes met with his, and then Fran saw it: the smirk that only one peculiar, navy-haired, mismatched-eyed Mist Guardian could pull off. "_Kufufu_, what gave me away? I always thought I was a brilliant actor."

"Not brilliant enough." Fran ducked his head as a certain permanent marker was aimed at him.

"Is this the thanks I get after helping you get back at that ungrateful brat, my little student?"

It was odd hearing those words coming from a high-pitched voice, but Fran frowned, shaking his head as he sent Mukuro, who was right now possessing Bluebell, a sideways glance. "Why did you do it?"

"I would like to hear your gratitude first."

"Thank you, Master, for stalking me throughout the whole day –ow." Fran received a sharp thump on the head. He rubbed the sore spot, continuing on, "I mean, for suffering that uncomfortable dress and letting me vandalize her body, _even though I never asked you to and now I will never let you forget this moment,_" Fran mumbled in an undertone. "Bluebell" sniffed, pretending to have not heard.

"I was finding it amusing when she was tormenting you, but I suppose it got out of hand when she kissed you. I am, after all, quite the possessive one." There was that creepy grin again, except it was scarier now that it was on Bluebell's 'raccoon-eyed' face. Once this girl realizes what had happened to her body, he knew she was going to have a fit. Fran was just glad that he wouldn't have to endure that. His shift was done.

"The payment, my student." "Bluebell" took out her wallet and dumped all the money she had inside. Fran was pretty sure he now had over three hundred dollars, and that was way more than what he needed. He blinked at the other illusionist.

"I don't need this much though – "

"And that should be enough for you to take me on a date tonight, won't you agree?" "Bluebell" interrupted. Fran shut his mouth and swallowed his retort. Mukuro had, after all, helped him get back at Bluebell. He supposed he _did _have time to owe the Vongola Mist Guardian a _small _date. His silence was all Mukuro needed. "Bluebell" whirled around to leave; Fran knew that his Master would walk around the corner, dump her body somewhere, and then come back for him in a few hours for that date.

"Ah, one more thing."

For the second time that day, Fran was kissed, but this time, since it was Mukuro inside Bluebell's body (he wasn't sure why he hadn't noticed earlier. Perhaps it was because he was tired from the earlier painting activity with the real Bluebell), it was on the lips. It was a quick, almost innocent kiss, but as Mukuro flaunted off in a little girly skip that only Bluebell would do, Fran couldn't stop the tiny smile from tugging at the corners of his lips. He heard "Bluebell" call back just before she disappeared around the corner,

"Seven o' clock tonight, little disciple. And if anyone tries what she just did, just know I'll always have a way of knowing_. _Remember, _kufufu, _you~ are ~ mine."

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**A/N: **Again, I don't like what I wrote, buuuut it`ll have to do since I procrastinated so much ~. I actually finished this on the day it was due. 12:00 AM. Am I pro or am I pro? Pffft. It technically _still _is Bluebell x Fran, mkay? Just added a little bit of a sour pineapple in there. Hope you enjoyed ~


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